


Unmistaken Identity

by coldishcase



Series: Tumblr Prompts [9]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, FtM trans Anakin, Gen, Padme what Padme, Why can't I have friends as cool as him, a little hurt/comfort, ambiguous ending, au where Anakin is trans and that means Palpatine can go fuck himself, cis male Obi-Wan, deadname is mentioned but not used, fuck palpatine tho, good guy Obi-Wan, palpatine exists so tw for grooming, positive trans relationship, these idiot boys actually talking, this was cathartic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25646824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldishcase/pseuds/coldishcase
Summary: Obi-Wan will never truly understand you, my boy.Anakin is... confused. Usually, he takes comfort in what Palpatine says. Usually, he can blindly agree to anything the kind, grandfatherly man tells him.But this...That statement rubs him the wrong way.
Relationships: Brobikin - Relationship, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Obikin - Relationship
Series: Tumblr Prompts [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1853428
Comments: 40
Kudos: 523





	Unmistaken Identity

**Author's Note:**

> Anonymous Asked:  
> Could you write an Obikin thing where one or both of them is trans. I really like your writing style

_Obi-Wan will never truly understand you, my boy._

Anakin is... confused. Usually, he takes comfort in what Palpatine says. Usually, he can blindly agree to anything the kind, grandfatherly man tells him.

But this...

That statement rubs him the wrong way.

Palpatine may know many of Anakin's secrets, but he doesn't know the one that he guards most closely. Only Obi-Wan knows that.

His mother did, but she is dead now, so only he knows.

Only Obi-Wan knows the most painful truth about Anakin, the one he buries so deep, that he shows no one, because he can't trust them to keep his secret.

Not even Palpatine knows. And Anakin would like to keep it that way.

He enjoys the old man's company... but his views are very... traditional. If he found out, he may not accept Anakin as he is anymore, and it would tear his heart out if he lost his friend over something he can't change.

But Obi-Wan? He has known from the beginning. He's known from they day they became master and apprentice, and he never treated Anakin differently for it.

He never questioned his choice, he never acted like Anakin was any more fragile than anyone else...

His Master-- his _best_ _friend--_ just accepted him.

When Anakin was 9, scared, and overwhelmed in this new place, and Obi-Wan helped him change into Jedi robes for the first time...

All Anakin had to do was ask, and Obi-Wan simply nodded, and continued to call him Anakin, continued to refer to him by male pronouns.

He didn't question if Anakin was sure. He didn't try to tell Anakin he 'doesn't need to hide who he is anymore'-- because that's how this started, anyways. His mother wanted to protect him, so she dressed him as a boy, and called him 'Anakin' instead of 'Ananke'. But she, of course, respected it and continued to love him with all her heart when he asked her to stop calling him her 'precious little girl' in private.

Anakin loves his mother, and he loves his Master, too.

Obi-Wan didn't even ask for Anakin's deadname.

He just took it in stride, because that’s the kind of person he is.

And he _helped_.

When Anakin asked, Obi-Wan helped him get hormone treatment. He helped him bind safely, and then when he was ready, helped him get top surgery.

All without any questions of ‘are you sure’ or reminders of ‘this is permanent, you could regret it later’. Anakin questioned his own decisions more than Obi-Wan did.

And all throughout these things, Obi-Wan never once treated Anakin like he was weird, or different. He just helped him, kept his secret at his request, and accepted him as he is.

So when Palpatine claims that Obi-Wan will never understand him? Will never love him?

It sits with him wrong.

Because, as he thinks about it now-- _really_ thinks about it...

Obi-Wan has _always_ understood him. He may not have always _agreed_ with him, or told him he was always right no matter what he did... but that isn't what friendship or love is about.

Every time Anakin has told Obi-Wan what he's feeling, or confessed a secret to him... he has _understood_. He may not have always given Anakin the answer he wanted, but he's always been sincere and understanding, no matter what.

Most times, he’s even had helpful advice.

And that's what makes him so different from Palpatine. Palpatine tells Anakin everything he wants to hear, he makes Anakin feel good about himself, calls him ' _my boy_ ', but that doesn't mean Palpatine understands him better than Obi-Wan does. It just means that he's good at saying the right thing, as all politicians are.

And clearly, Palpatine doesn't understand Obi-Wan, either.

Anakin isn't sure that _he_ does, really.

Maybe he should ask.

\---

“Master?” Anakin asks later that night, his mind troubled as he leans against Obi-Wan. He wanted something to help calm his mind, so he brought an old holofilm over to his old Master’s apartment. They’re watching it together, side by side on the couch.

Obi-Wan hums, looking over at his former padawan. “Yes, Anakin?”

It’s like all Anakin’s built up courage is sapped away once he has his Master’s attention. The movie no longer exists; Obi-Wan has his focus entirely on him, and that level of intensity is... intimidating.

“... Nevermind, it’s nothing.”

A brief pause, and then Obi-Wan frowns the slightest bit. “Your mind has been elsewhere since the film started,” he points out, then reaches over to the remote to stop the holofilm. “What is troubling you, Padawan? You can tell me anything.”

Anakin knows it’s true, too. Perhaps that’s why he begins to tear up.

He fights it, pulling his legs up to sit cross-legged on the couch as he looks down at his kind-- _too kind_ \-- Master. Anakin is actually a few inches taller than Obi-Wan, and he takes pride in that.

“I just...” he hesitates, not sure how to phrase what he wants to say. “... I never said thank you. I don’t thank you enough, Master.”

Obi-Wan smiles a little at the admission, reaching up to push some of Anakin’s long hair out of his face. “Not that I’m disagreeing, Anakin... but what do you feel you need to thank me for?”

Anakin huffs a little to blow more hair away from his face. This is dumb. He should just... let it go. “For just... accepting me. The way I am. For not treating me any different...” He trails off, frowning softly.

Obi-Wan reaches up, putting a gentle hand on Anakin’s shoulder. “Anakin, there is no need to thank me for common decency. Where is this coming from?” He’s frowning now, concern in his eyes. “Is someone being disrespectful towards you?”

“No--” Anakin is quick to say. “No, it’s not that. I-- Um.” His hand goes up to rub the back of his neck. “No one else knows... just you. I guess I just... don’t trust anyone else to be as understanding as you. And I just wanted to thank you... for being understanding, you know?”

He continues to frown to himself, and Obi-Wan waits, sensing that he isn’t done.

“I just... I guess I don’t really understand _why_ you do. Most of the Galaxy is still kinda... weird about this. But you never were, you just act like it’s totally normal. Sometimes... I feel like you understand me better than _I_ do. And I just... I wanna know why? Or how?”

Obi-Wan’s eyes search Anakin’s face momentarily, keeping his hand where it is. He seems thrown by the question, unsure how exactly to answer it.

“Anakin, why do you feel like you aren’t _normal_?”

The question hits too close to home, and Anakin has a pained bark of laughter pulled from his chest. “Well, I’m not, am I? I’m the Chosen One, I’m the kid who came to the temple too late, I don’t belong, in any sense.”

As his hand gets a tighter grip on Anakin’s shoulder, Obi-Wan looks troubled. “Anakin...” He trails off, chewing on his words. “... my greatest regret in training you, is that I let anyone tell you that you were thought to be the Chosen One. That was too great a burden to place on a person’s shoulders, let alone a nine year old boy. No one should have had to shoulder that weight, especially not so young.”

He pauses, and Anakin waits with bated breath, hearing the sincerity and concern in his old Master’s voice.

Obi-Wan’s eyes meet Anakin’s steadily, sadness casting a grey shadow over his blue-green eyes. “I act like you are completely normal because you _are._ Whatever else you’ve been made to suffer, Anakin, you are still a young man and my former padawan.” He asserts, tone firm. “When we met, you were nine, uprooted from your home and practically thrown into an active warzone. You were possibly the bravest nine year old I had ever met, but you were still a _child_. I know you’ve suffered so much, and you had all these terrible expectations hanging over you... but even with all that, you were a _youngling_ , and I strove not to forget that, however mature you acted for your age.”

His hand drops from Anakin’s shoulder to fold with his other hand on his own lap. “I never wanted to make you feel like you didn’t belong, Anakin. At your age, I had trouble fitting in as well, so I did what I could to not treat you any differently from any other 9 year old in the Temple. I see I failed you-- if even now, knighted and admired by half the Galaxy, you feel out of place.”

“No, Master--” Anakin starts, cut off by a lump in his throat. He didn’t mean to guilt Obi-Wan. His Master has done _nothing_ wrong... “That’s not-- _You_ never made me feel like this. You’re just about the only one who _doesn’t_ make me feel like this...” Anakin huffs, briefly putting his face in his hands. He messed this up. Why does he suck at words so much?

“Obi-Wan,” he starts again, a little frustrated with himself. “This isn’t even _really_ about me. I uh, I didn’t really mean that before... I know I earned my place as a Knight like every other Jedi, I know I belong.” He pauses. It’s only half a lie, really. Everyone has those nagging doubts, though, he can’t be the only one. “I’m just-- I only wanted to ask you about this because someone said something not-so-nice about _you_ , and... usually I get along with that person, but they’re _wrong_ , and I didn’t know how to tell them that, so I guess I just... wanted to understand you better. You’re good at explaining things.” He rambles a little, huffing as he finishes.

And now Obi-Wan looks a little shocked. Clearly, he wasn’t expecting to have the root of this be about _him._

“I-- er... I suppose I can... try to explain.” He hesitates, frowning to himself. “What did this person say that was so troubling?”

Oh kark. What is Anakin supposed to tell him? ‘Oh you know, the Chancellor of the Republic kinda talks shit about you behind your back, Master.’

Definitely not.

He’ll just have to be carefully vague.

“It was like... I dunno. A backhanded compliment I guess.” Anakin starts, not quite able to meet Obi-Wan’s eyes. “He said something like, you’re such a perfect, unfeeling Jedi that you don’t understand people like ‘us’, and I just... I couldn’t help but think about how _nobody_ understands me like you do, Master... and it kinda pissed me off that he’d say something about you like that. He doesn’t _know_ you... and I didn’t like being lumped in with him when he disrespected you like that.”

And now that he’s started, it’s like he can’t quite stop himself. “But it made me think... because, I know I can trust you with things. I know you’re not always gonna hold my hand or clean up my messes for me, and that’s good, but I also know I can tell you anything, and you’ll understand...”

“... And then I realized that it doesn’t really go both ways, does it? And I wanted to defend you to him, but I don’t really understand you, Master... some of the things you do are just a mystery to me. One day you’ll strictly abide by the Council’s rulings, then the next you do whatever you want. You’re completely comfortable with who you are, and yet you still seem to understand my position perfectly... and I just... didn’t know how to defend you because I don’t really know how you think...”

Anakin sighs, dropping his face into his hands and propping his elbows up on his knees. “It’s probably stupid to even ask, you must think I’m being ridiculous.”

His Master’s voice is warm with fondness as he speaks, putting a hand on Anakin’s hunched-over back. “There are no stupid questions, my dear padawan.” He rubs circles against Anakin’s spine for a moment, clearly sorting through what he plans to say.

“... It seems... my attempts to emulate Master Jinn worked a bit too well. He was always infuriatingly confusing.” There is a smile in his voice. “I loved him dearly, of course, but as his padawan, I wanted to shake him by the shoulders and demand a straight answer more often than not. I apologize... I will try to be more transparent.”

Anakin wants to say ‘ _exactly,’_ as Obi-Wan puts words to his complicated feelings about his former Master. He doesn’t dare interrupt though. Not in this rather unheard-of chance to listen to Obi-Wan open up to him.

“I suppose it would be unreasonable to try to explain everything about myself tonight. So, since it’s the issue you brought to me first, I’ll explain my feelings on your masculinity... unless you’d prefer something else.”

Anakin shakes his head, eyes raised to watch and listen to his Master. He’s already more attentive and invested in this conversation than he’s been in any lesson Obi-Wan taught him as his pupil.

Obi-Wan, such an enigma all Anakin’s life... and now he’s just... going to explain himself. None of the silver-tongued, flowery, deceptive language of The Negotiator. Just straightforward honesty.

All Anakin had to do was ask.

“Very well then,” Obi-Wan starts, smiling as Anakin straightens up to pay attention. He doesn’t seem quite comfortable with having himself as the focus of attention, but he nonetheless pushes forward, dedicated to helping clear away Anakin’s confusion.

“... Please refrain from groaning when you hear this... but after you initially told me your preferred pronouns, I meditated on it.” He pauses, not surprised when Anakin rolls his eyes. “I probably should have been meditating about Qui-Gon’s death, or my fight with the Sith, or any number of other pressing matters... but those things were all large, daunting issues, and this seemed like something simple, so I focused on that instead.”

“You? Putting off meditation?”

“I know, _scandalous_ ,” Obi-Wan agrees, pulling a little laughter out of them both. “I used to _despise_ meditation. When I was much younger, I felt it was a waste of time, that practicing katas or sparring was a far more effective way to release my emotions.”

Anakin is nodding his agreement, and it strikes him that Obi-Wan really understands him more than he even thought he did.

“But Qui-Gon told me something I haven’t forgotten since,” his Master continues, tone a little more serious. “Expelling your emotions isn’t enough. You can throw out a womprat, but if you don’t find the hole it came in through, it can come back. And, not all emotion is bad, but when they disturb your inner peace, they can be harmful.” He leans back on the couch as he speaks, explaining himself. “It’s the difference between hiding the mess in your room in your closet, and actually putting everything back where it belongs and tossing out the trash. Just like your rooms, you must keep your mind clean and clear of mess. That’s what meditation should be... it should be methodic and soothing, like cleaning out your room, and should leave you feeling calm and in control of yourself. You rule your emotions, they do not rule you.”

That makes sense, but Anakin finds himself rolling his eyes anyways. “If you’re trying to trick me into meditating _and_ cleaning my room, it won’t work, old man.”

His friend’s eyes crinkle at the corners. “You don’t need to do either one on your own, you know. I’ve seen your rooms, if you need help, I’m happy to assist.”

“Rain check.” Anakin banters back. “You’re getting off track, Obi-Wan.”

“Yes, yes,” the ginger sighs. “Anyways, I meditated.”

“And you found mystical force enlightenment?”

That pulls a chuckle from his old Master. “Mystical Force Enlightenment? No. Nothing so abstract. I simply asked myself questions until I understood my own feelings on the subject.”

He pauses as if expecting Anakin to interrupt. But he doesn’t, so Obi-Wan continues after a beat of silence. “It’s a simple matter when you boil it down to the base... I found I needed to stop asking questions about you specifically, and think of it in a more general sense. I asked myself... what makes _me_ male?”

“Is it because of the parts my body has? If that’s the case, would I suddenly stop feeling male if my body grew different parts?” He shakes his head. “I decided... no. It’s not because of the body I’m in, and it’s not even because it’s what I’ve always been told I am. If I were put in a different body, it wouldn’t matter what anyone else decided I was, I wouldn’t stop being Obi-Wan, I wouldn’t stop being male, I wouldn’t stop being a Jedi. It’s just part of my identity.”

As Obi-Wan explains his thought process, Anakin feels that pesky lump forming in his throat again. He’s always been so bad at putting things into words, and here Obi-Wan is, explaining the very thing he’s had so much trouble expressing, even to himself.

“And put like that... for me, at least... made it very simple. Your identity is your own. No one can tell you who or what you are, Anakin, only you can say what that is. And considering how much thinking I had to do just to understand that concept, I felt it safe to assume that you had done quite a bit more thinking about it.” He offers his former student a smile as Anakin swipes at his eyes. “I figured, if I can trust you to tell me your name, and your age, and the town you came from... why would your gender be any different?”

Anakin can’t help it then. He knows Obi-Wan isn’t the most comfortable with physical contact, but...

He just can’t help it.

He hugs his master, practically tackling him onto his back on the couch and stuffing his face in his dumb, perfect, comfy chest. He mumbles something, and Obi-Wan gives a surprised ‘oof’ as he falls back.

It takes his master a moment to recover, but rather than attempting to pull away as he usually does, Obi-Wan circles his arms around his former student. “I’m sorry, Anakin, I didn’t quite catch that.”

Not lifting his head from where it’s firmly planted in Obi-Wan’s chest, Anakin repeats himself, no more clearly than he did the first time.

His Master understands him anyways, and those arms go a bit tighter around him. Obi-Wan always understands.

“My dear, ridiculous padawan...” he muses softly, and then even deigns to drop a light, affectionate kiss to the top of Anakin’s head. “There is no need to hide, Anakin. You are a wonderful Jedi, you are my dearest friend, and you are the best man I know...”

And just when Anakin thinks Obi-Wan didn’t actually understand what he said, the other man catches him off guard. “Of course I love you too.”

Anakin’s heart fills to the brim at those simple words, and he thinks he could be content to stay right here forever.

Palpatine is _wrong._

_Not only does Obi-Wan understand him, he_ **_loves_ ** _him._

**Author's Note:**

> No plans for a continuation right now, but I wouldn't be opposed to writing one if anyone has any ideas for something they wanna see in this AU!
> 
> If you'd like to prompt me, [go ahead and shoot me an ask on my tumblr! ](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/coldishcase)


End file.
